Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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