I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
