It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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