you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
