Soap is not a condiment
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
