what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
