Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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