that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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