at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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