True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
