At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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