Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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