Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
