five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so let's talk penis.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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