This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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