Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
