He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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