Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
