i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize