Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
