I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just want to make out with him forever
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
