Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
