If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
