I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
