So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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