Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
