I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
