I'm lost and stupid without you.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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