So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
