i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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