Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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