last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I checked into jail on foursquare
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
