we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
