I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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