I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
