I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize