The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
