1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
