just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
