I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
