tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
