Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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