Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
