i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
