nutella sex= disaster
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
