What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
