She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize