Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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