Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
