Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
