That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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