every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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