He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
