Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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