you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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