WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
