i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
two words...techno handjob
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
