From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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