3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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