he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
