i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
